Here comes the sun...

Yeah, summer in Britain is NOT this^

1st June is tomorrow and you know what that means? The first day of summer. Although I'm spending the next few weeks mostly indoors, either in an exam room or revising at home, I'm happy about it. It's nice to think ahead and forget about exams for a little bit, just to wonder what the hell I'm going to do when I'm a free man at the end of June.

While also thinking about how my stress-free summer days are numbered, I became determined around Christmas last year that I would finally do something useful during the summer. Most school holiday days for me included waking up at 12 ( I think 2pm is my record) and watching TV on the sofa for the next 12+ hours. Was I bored? Duh but I couldn't be bothered to do anything about it.

This time is different though. I've made a list of things anyone could do this summer and I'm hoping to finally practice what I preach and actually do some of these things.

1. Exercise.
An easy one I know but everyone talks about that "summer body". Get off your arse and keep fit over the summer, especially if you have a new season of sport in the autumn. Go jogging with your mates, hit the gym, play in a 5 a side football league. Just go out of your comfort zone to keep fit and healthy while making yourself happier. Yes, the hard work will make you happier in the long run.

2. Party.
Now I'm not a fan of this in particular, but a lot of people do it so it has to be on here. Summer is that best time for a party or barbecue where you can get together with friends and get wasted. You have the free time, go and have a good time.

3. Get creative.
If you're not the partying type, then go and do something that will spark your creative side. Obviously it should be something you enjoy and it should be flexible so it never gets boring. Write a blog, learn how to play your favourite songs on an instrument, or build something with your hands. Just some sort of project to make you feel like you're doing something useful.

4. Go on holiday. Abroad.

For some, this is a no brainer but I have met people who have hardly ever stepped a foot outside of the UK without school trips. I'm a big fan of travelling and no one should turn down the chance to explore the world, even if you're just crossing the Channel into France. If you do manage to go abroad, plan what you can do so you're not wasting your time by staying in the hotel/villa/house. There's no point if you're just doing what you'd do at home. Never know who you might meet as well...

5. Go to a festival. (16+)
Okay so most of the time, the conditions aren't great. Yeah that's right, you'll need some wellies. But Glastonbury, Reading + Leeds etc. all have great artists performing there every year. There's normally something for everyone as well. Camping with your mates and listening to good music in a party atmosphere. What's not to like?!

6. Get a job.
But why would you want to work when you've been slaving away for the last 10/11 months in school? Money. That's your motive. Our parents aren't going to spoon feed us the cash when we need it forever guys... Any job will probably be minimum wage but take what you can get if you're that desperate. Make it enjoyable if you can though.

7. Day trips
Sort of similar to number four but this one is cheaper and easier to do. A day out at the beach with family and/or friends cannot be ignored. Something's wrong with you if you can't associate summer with a beach anyway...

Make this a summer to remember. Cliché I know but there's going to be loads of hard work to do from September so enjoy what you have. As I've said before, don't go back to school thinking you regretted not doing something that would've made your summer better in some way. Because let's be honest, over here any warm weather doesn't last very long...

Have your glass half full.

Shout out to my friend that I mentioned on my first post, who messaged me (while drunk) to tell me that she got the guy at that party.

As you know, I've been trying (in vain) to really understand girls for the last 5 years. I've got some idea now. I think. Since I'm no trustworthy source of information, I enquired the help of the most reliable ones out there: the girls themselves. Of course every girl is different and I must reiterate that. Me and my 'team' asked some girls two questions:

1. What they want in a guy
Common attributes: Funny, nice and caring, someone they are comfortable with, honest and there for them when they need him.

2. So how much do looks matter?

Average of 7.4/10
 

But then it was brought to my attention: What use is that information to a guy? A girl (or a guy) can say they want this, this and that in their ideal match but after all of that, they might end up going out, or even marrying in the future, someone the complete opposite. The only good news is that the common attributes above are very ambiguous so it's confirming what many already knew. After a bit of soul-searching I brought myself to these thoughts about self-confidence and motivation.

Most of us know what we want but do we really know what we need?

I've been all about self-change in the last two years. I realised that in my early secondary school years, I was insecure, shy and too introverted . Hey, I'll even admit that I got a bit too obsessed with girls in that time. "If I talk to as many as possible, eventually one will like me." Sad huh?

 

I kept on using the same, old boring 'tricks' and in my desperation of wanting to be liked, I often made a fool of myself. I kept on pursuing the ones who ignored me as well as the ones I had a crush on who only seemed to talk to me for the sake of it. I tried to be someone I wasn't.

 

Getting rid of a Blackberry was one of the best things I ever did. Even if it was because the phone broke... It got me away from the world of BBM and allowed me to re-evaluate who I thought I was. I didn't like what I realised.

 

You can't change your personality completely but you can change your behaviour and beliefs. I decided to try to believe in myself more (which is something you can successfully change) in all aspects of life: from schoolwork to my football ability. I also came upon a good life advice site called www.goodguyswag.com . One article talks about there being three types of guys out there: the players, the nice guys and the good guys.
 

I was a 'nice' guy. I thought that all girls only cared about looks and they were hypocrites for always going for the jerks even though they said they want a guy who treats them right. (Some still are though!)

Now I strive to be a 'good' guy where I now know that if you're just happy in yourself and you're a good person, you can't go wrong. If someone can't accept you as a person, it's their own god-damn problem.
 

I learned to accept myself with all my qualities (there are many) and my faults. You can try to change yourself to be that girl's ideal guy or that guy's dream girl but you'll just get found out eventually since you know deep-down that that's not who you are.
 

Self confidence and authenticity is the key. A positive attitude and desire often leads to positive results in most things you do and aim for. But this can only really happen when you can accept who you are, whether it may be the sound of your voice or the tone of your skin, then everything else can and usually does fall into place.  Watch this video whenever you're feeling down.

In the days where it's implied in movies and on the internet that you should have a supermodel's body if you're a girl or be very muscular if you're a guy, it can be hard to stay positive and motivated. Sure you might get that little more attention if you have those type of looks, but how long will that last? Looks aren't everything.

Exuding confidence (not cockiness) and having that positive attitude, that motivation, that ambition, is only half the journey for getting that crush, getting that job or whatever you aim to do. You've got to work for it. And you always have a chance. Why? You don't have to be perfect to get what you want, do what you want, to be who you want to be.

So be nice, be motivated and most of all, be happy.

Feel old yet?

The life clock. It only goes up to 84 though...

 

I may only be 16 but sometimes I feel like I've been around for much, much longer. I'm partially waiting for the grey hairs to appear to be honest. But why this peculiar feeling? I guess it has to be the realisation that life is changing and quickly as well.

 

I have a good memory but it's very selective. I cannot tell you what I did last Wednesday but I can visualise my first day of Year 7 clearly enough. After Big Ben chimed at midnight on New Year's Day, I told everyone on a Whatsapp group to relax. " We still have five months before our GCSE's!", and those five months might as well have been five days...

 

Up to the start of exams, I was stressed. Anyone who felt any sort of pressure to do well this summer would have been too and maybe they still are. As a friend of mine pointed out (Not someone I met online!), people my age have been building up to this for 6 years. From the start of SATs or entrance exams through to our KS3 SATs to now. Not to mention every internal assessment ( You do 50 assessments a term in my school). It's been a strain and yet I've heard some adults say secondary school is the best time of your life.

 

They might have a point though. I've had some good memories since year 7 full of laughter and fun. I've learnt many things, not just academically, but about life and people too. Things like there are some very weird people in existence. I experience a few of them on a day to day basis.

 

But then again, it's the cliché case of adults wishing they were children again. They're not alone as there are children who wish they were adults. I'm one of them admittedly. Driving a car, living in a flat with my mates and travelling is a dream of a possible future for me. Plus I'm pretty annoyed I haven't grown in height in like a year and a half... Others have it different. They're already six foot and do 'adult' things albeit underage: they drink, smoke, get high and have sex.

Don't believe the lies. 80 is definitely the new 21.

Yet there are also teenagers wishing they were younger again. The stress of teenage life, school and puberty can make those innocent days of being a 5 year old a lifetime ago...

If you search for the actors and actresses from your favourite childhood shows, I suggest you get ready to lie down from the mind blowing news you're going to receive. Remember Ashley Tisdale? Yeah she's 30 this year and she's married. And Zack and Cody (Dylan and Cole Sprouse)? They just graduated from college, nine years after The Suite Life first aired. Since then innocent Hannah Montana has turned into a half naked wrecking ball rider as well.

I've been made full aware of the negative side of adult life by a number of adults, albeit they're all classic African 'aunties' and 'uncles' who aren't actually your aunties and uncles... But anyway, make the most of your youth while you've got it. I know it's hard with the stress but just do something regularly that makes you happy. Whether that's partying, writing, singing or playing sport so be it.

If you're my age, in two years you're out of college/sixth form. Those two years will go by like a flash and suddenly you're a free adult regardless of whether you go to university or not. Some will like that instant freedom, some may not.

Despite the signs that we're growing up constantly flashing up around us, you can afford to stay young for that little bit more time. You won't regret it.

 

Won't you be my Tinderella?

No, that's NOT me on the left...

I revealed in my last post that I was on Tinder. Shamefully I was on for a while as well.  I spent hours swiping right or left with that one finger. It was an ongoing cycle, an addiction. An addiction that I put too much effort into and I've come out the other side with nothing but wanting to share my thoughts on why it's not worth your time. So ...

1. It's not widely used as a dating app.
Turns out it's 18+, but they still let 13 year olds sign up through Facebook...  Good going Tinder.

It might have been intended to be a dating app but it's turned out quite differently. With a lot of adults, it probably goes like this: You match with someone you like the look of. You both know what you want. Exchange numbers and send a few pictures (It's not as innocent as some may think) and you are good to go. You meet and you have sex. Simple. "Sounds like a great idea" I hear most of you guys say but the feeling's not always mutual. Sorry!

2. Chances of success? Minimal.
You could get 1064 matches and yet you could easily still end up in the same position as you were before.

 

FACT: There are many more guys on Tinder than girls so as a guy, your chances of standing out are already slim. Good luck trying to find an original first message to stop her from blanking/unmatching you as well. Yeah that's right, they match you cause they seemingly like you, then they don't talk to you! See my problem with understanding girls? It's a struggle.

I don't know how he survived for that long...

For some of you girls out there, I guess it would be funny to be hit left, right and centre with all kinds of pick up lines from the dozens maybe hundreds of matches you'll get. But exactly how much of that can you take? Do they even work? "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" etc. will surely get boring. I mean, even I cringe when I see it on Twitter for the umpteenth time. Don't forget about the guys around who probably want a "cheeky" picture of you "just for them" even if you put in your bio: "I don't do nudes". 

Even if you do get a match where you manage to hit it off, how long will that last? Chances are you're miles apart and at the age of 16 ( or younger), good luck trying to meet them!

Say you have a person who you love texting/messaging where the banter is non-stop and the conversation always flows . You go and meet them. What can and what normally does happen? Awkward silences, nervous laughter and the initial attraction and chemistry goes. Just. Like. That.

We have so much more time to respond to texts that we nearly always know what to say. You don't have that in real life. We have no problem talking to our friends on and off the screen but when it comes to that person you're meeting for the first time... The composure, the quick thinking, it all goes out of the window. Strange? Well that's love (or nerves) for you I guess.

3. You don't know who you're talking to...

 

Of course Tinder isn't the only app where you can meet people online. Twitter, Instagram, BBM, Snapchat etc. have all taken the once huge, mysterious world we live in and have placed it right under our fingertips.

 

With the exception of Snapchat, this situation makes for perfect bait to be catfished. No, I'm not talking about the actual fish...
 

To catfish a person is to "lure someone into a relationship by adopting a fictional online persona".

If you haven't already seen it, I definitely recommend watching Catfish: The TV Show. Every episode the presenters help a person who wants to meet the person they've been talking to for months, sometimes years, but are suspicious of the truth. They investigate and arrange the meet. 8 times out of 10 though, it's not the same person.

They seem to do it for only two reasons: to troll and because they're too insecure about their looks.

I have been trolled, not on a large scale, but then again who hasn't? And yet we still take the risks of not entirely knowing who we're talking to whenever we try to slide into the DMs of that "buff ting".

The Catfish presenters. Who needs Sherlock when you've got these two?! 

The Internet is normally not the place for a new relationship. Friendships maybe but both tend not to last. You could try to make it work but who has the time for that? Your lives end up being too distant and a screen can't make up for every component of a face to face relationship. You have to meet them sooner rather than later. But hey, prove me wrong.

May the odds be ever in your favour...

 

We all need that little bit of luck...

I was talking to a good friend of mine, well I met her on Tinder but that's another story. Anyway she happened to tell me about her crush that she has on her best friend. "It's classic Hollywood" was my first thought and then as the conversation went on, boy, it got deep. To sum it up, they have both liked each other at different points in their lifetimes but the chemistry between them now was obvious. He was her first kiss, he would walk her to class and they talk to each other all the time. All well and good but then I thought that she needed to answer the million pound question: "So when are you going to do anything about it?".

Her answer hit me. I was so sure that she was going to reply with a classic "I don't know haha" or "That's his job lol" but no... She said "this Friday" (it's Monday as I'm writing this). Turns out her "side bitch" has planned the events of a party that day that would give my friend the best chance of getting the guy who she thinks and talks about 24/7. A set up truth or dare to reveal that she likes him, strip spin the bottle to get his heart racing and a biased beer pong to get the 'killer kiss'. If that isn't full commitment to the cause, I don't know what is. But it just reinforced one of my earlier thoughts about the state of how most modern teenage relationships in the West start.

One thing that had often been the centre of my thoughts is my opinion of love being a process of sorts. And in a weird way it is, most people plan how they are going to start that first conversation, how they are going to plan dates that will plug at the heart strings and in the scenario above, how to place their subject at their mercy to seal the deal.

But what I've now realised is that it's become a game. In the heights of insecurity and a fear of rejection, every guy, and sometimes girl, find themselves in a maze decorated with hints that lead you to that exit, that end goal: the possession of the 'bae'. But what are some of these hints? For a guy, there's not that many. Ignore her for a while and sooner or later she'll be stepping into those DMs all by herself. (That is if she's not playing her own game!)

For a girl, well I'm still trying to get around the average girl's mentality myself so can't help you there.

There's a silent code that we all subconsciously follow, a code that doesn't creep or scare the other person away, a code which includes the guy chasing the girl most of the time, sometimes it's a case of both.

All the way back in the cringeworthy moments of year 9, I had befriended a stranger on BBM. After a few months of talking we were 'besties' (Does anyone even use that word anymore?). She met a guy in my form at a party just before a school trip to Germany and I gathered from rumours that they had really hit it off. But I learnt some lessons from how they interacted on that trip.


#relationshipgoals

 

They flirted with each other at that party but he didn't kiss her. Doesn't seem like a big deal but she expected him to. She really liked him but never told him. He claimed he didn't like her as much as that yet but never told her. She got told by me and was hurt (I make no apologies) and then his friends 'fixed' it. What I found ridiculous though was his analogy of him and the girl with a rope, slowly pulling each other in and there I was, with a huge pair of scissors determined on breaking them apart. This wasn't true by the way but the main point stands.

Although going all out and saying 'I like you' straightaway isn't very charming, weeks of speculation cannot surely be worth it. We live in so much fear of not getting liked back, that most of the time we don't do anything about it. As time goes on, this probably won't change but hopefully some can take aboard the message below from good old Bob.



*sigh* Bob always knew what to say...

May the odds be ever in your favour.

It all starts here...

Hi. I'm Emmanuel and I'm a 16 year old Ghanaian/British guy who lives in Croydon. In the aftermath of my first week of GCSEs I've somehow managed to stay relaxed so far in what can be a very stressful time. People will have their own opinions in whether that's good or bad. My mood has got to a point where I'm not focused on last minute revision, just wondering what I can do to entertain myself.

I'm quite an analytical person and I thought a blog would help to illustrate my thoughts and feelings that normally whirls around my head while I'm bored. It will be on aspects on teenage life from growing up to technology to relationships. Helps to pass the time when I don't have exams around every turn and it could give an insight to whoever might come across this about what I feel my generation is like. Hope you like it.